


The Call

by alicorniansheepyllama



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jared to the rescue, Poor Evan, Songfic, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-21 22:55:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13153752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alicorniansheepyllama/pseuds/alicorniansheepyllama
Summary: Today was gonna be the dayThere wasn't another way that he could seeSo he took one last, long breathAnd prepared to jump out of the treeInspired by "The Call" by Matt Kennon. It's an amazing song, and I'd definitely recommend it.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YK3zs7EV6Tk





	The Call

_Dear Mom,_

_I’m so sorry, but I just can’t do this anymore. The thoughts that I have constantly want to make me just give up, and I know you try so hard to help me, and I try too, but I just can’t do this anymore. Well I guess I already said that but it’s true so I suppose it doesn’t matter if I say it twice so whatever. I’m really just a burden on you, and on everyone who knows me. Let’s face it… I’m sure everyone just puts up with me because they have to, especially you. When I’m gone, you won’t have to work as hard, so that’ll be good right? Who am I kidding… I know you’ll be hurt by this, and I wish I wasn’t so selfish and that the fact that you’ll be hurt by this could stop me, but it can’t… Not anymore. I’m giving up. I’m giving in. I’m not fighting it anymore. Nothing changes. It doesn’t get better. It doesn’t get easier. You don’t get any wiser, you just get older. Your skin gets thinner, Your nerve gets weaker, your feelings get hurt enough times that you’d rather not feel anymore. You give up… I give up. Once and for all, I give up._

_Sincerely, Me_

 

When Evan finished writing, he set the note with shaking hands on his pillow. He didn’t know what it was, but after weeks of feeling completely exhausted, he had woken up that morning with the resolution he needed. 

 

Evan looked out the window and saw that his mother’s car was already gone. Sighing, he took one last look around his bedroom, turned around, and walked out. 

 

After getting into his car, Evan turned the key and pulled out of the driveway. The drive was only a few minutes, during which he tried to keep away any thoughts that might convince him to turn the car around. Before long, Evan made it to his destination: The abandoned orchard. 

 

He figured out some time ago that this would be the right place to go, whenever he worked up the guts. The trees were old and unsteady, and the chances of someone seeing him before he did it were extremely unlikely. Plus, Evan figured it would be nice to sit in a tree and feel the sun on his face one last time. 

 

Evan was thinking all of this as he stepped out of his car and made his way to the tallest tree in the orchard. He looked up, marveling at how beautiful it was. Carefully, he put his hand on the lowest branch and pulled himself up. The bark felt rough on his hands. Once he made it to that first branch, continuing was easier than he had expected. 

 

He climbed up and up, from one branch to another. Evan climbed as high as he could go. Finally he sat on a branch and looked around. He had to shield his face from the sun, but as he looked, Evan could see so much. There were cars driving on the road, he saw kids playing at a nearby park, he even tried to see his house, but he couldn’t determine what direction it would be in, though he was sure it would be possible to see it from where he sat. 

 

Evan took a deep breath, and his gaze moved from the magnificent view of the city down to the ground. It looked so far away. Good, it would certainly be high enough to get the job done. Unexpected tears came to his eyes, and Evan quickly wiped them away with a choked up laugh. 

 

_This was it…_ he thought. _After all the times he fought to keep the dark thoughts away, and after everything his few loved ones had done to try and help him, he was finally giving up._

 

_But… that was the point, wasn’t it? His mom, and everyone else he knew, would be free from the burden of him being in their life._

 

Evan closed his eyes and gripped a short branch that stuck out next to him for support. His mind was swirling with so many different thoughts, but they all came to the same conclusion: _Do it_

 

It was as if all the thoughts that would usually bring him out of that cycle were locked away. Was that because of his anxiety? His depression? Evan didn’t know, and he didn’t care. Evan just wanted the thoughts to stop, and this was the only way. More tears filled his eyes.

 

Evan took one last, long, shaky breath, and his hand slowly moved from the short branch to the one he was sitting on in order to push himself off. 

 

Suddenly, Evan’s ringtone shattered the silence. 

 

**♪ I wish you'd stop ignoring me ♪**

**♪ Because you're sending me to despair ♪**

**♪ Without a sound yeah you're calling me ♪**

**♪ And I don't think it's very fair ♪**

**♪ I bet that you look good on the dance floor ♪**

 

Evan jumped in surprise, and he instinctively grabbed onto the branch beside him to keep himself from falling. He fished his phone from his pocket and looked at the caller ID… 

 

**Jared Kleinman**

 

He suppressed a sob and, against what his thoughts were telling him, answered the phone. 

 

“Hey Evan, how’ve ya been buddy?” Jared asked cheerily. 

 

Evan’s mouth opened, but he knew that if he tried to talk, everything would come pouring out, so he just made a “mmhmm…” sound, trying to sound casual. 

 

There was a moment of silence other end, before Jared continued. “Uh huh… well listen, my parents rented a boat, and they want to take me on some ‘family weekend trip’ to the lake, crazy right?” 

 

Evan cleared his throat. “Um… yeah-” 

 

“Well then…” Jared went on. “My mom was talking to her friend at some meeting she goes to, and long story short, her and her family’s tagging along. Guess who it is?” Without waiting for Evan to answer, he blurted it out. “The Murphys! As in… Connor and Zoe Murphy!!!” 

 

“Oh, u-um… that’s-” Evan began, still trying to get his thoughts back together enough to listen, when he was interrupted again. 

 

“So now I’m gonna be trapped on a boat with Connor! I naturally started writing my obituary, when I thought, ‘Why not have some company…’ Then I was like, ‘Hey, why not my buddy who would give anything to be trapped on a boat with the… Other Murphy’. Pretty great right?!” 

 

Evan didn’t know what to say. To be honest, he was in a somewhat awkward situation, and the longer he sat there, the more his decision began to sink in. _No no no! He was losing his nerve!_

 

Jared took Evan’s silence as uncertainty. “You don’t have to worry dude, I told Zoe that you might be coming, and you’ll never guess what happened. I swear to you, I saw her eyes LIGHT UP! Man, I totally think she’s into you!” 

 

After more silence, Jared sighed. “Anyway, just wanted to offer. Besides, it would be nice to have _someone_ I don’t hate to hang out with. We’re leaving later today, so just come on by.”

 

Evan sighed and looked around. His resolution was broken, and with Jared having Evan directly on his mind, he couldn’t bring himself to do it now anyway. 

 

The sounds of other people were heard in the background, and Jared seemed to be listening to them for a moment, then he returned to the call. “Well anyway, I’d better go. Hope I didn’t catch ya in the middle of anything.” 

 

Evan couldn’t help but let out a laugh, hoping Jared didn’t pick up on it also containing a sob. “Y-yeah… you k-kinda did, but it’s okay. I’m glad you called.”

 

“Okay, so does that mean you’re coming?” asked Jared

 

Evan took one last look at his surroundings, which were brightened by sun. “Um… yeah. C-count me in.” 

 

“Awesome!” shouted Jared excitedly. “I’ll see you soon then.”

 

“Y-yeah, see you soon.” whispered Evan. 

 

Jared hung up, and Evan put the phone back in his pocket. Then, his hand moved back to the branch he was sitting on, and he carefully slid himself off. 

 

Gripping the branch tightly, Evan swung his legs to the branch below him, and began to climb back down the tree. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you're feeling this way, please call someone. A loved one, suicide hotline, there are always people to talk to, and sometimes just doing that can stop the thoughts long enough to get the help you need and deserve. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought of the fic. This is my first, like, really angsty story, so tell me if you thought it felt... Real, I guess. Also, if you want this to continue in any way, give suggestions as to how.


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